The Jupiter Venus Shuffle
by Sarcastic Avenger
Summary: Four years after the epilogue, life goes on for Harry and Co., though marital bliss is not what it seems on the surface. Satire, Pairing Dodecahedron.


_**The Jupiter/Venus Shuffle**_

**Summary:** Four years after the epilogue, life goes on for Harry and Co., though marital bliss is not what it seems on the surface. Pairing Dodecahedron.

**Chapter 1:** At Least the Fish and Chips Are Good

**Author's Notes:** My first foray into Harry Potter fanfiction. This fic is rated M for a reason, and will run the usual gambit of sex, language and violence that one should expect from an M rated story. Beyond that, this should be a fun foray through everyone's lives.

* * *

The sun had just gone down on this crisp autumn evening. London's East End was alive with the usual bustle of a Friday night, with many people, young and old, out at the pubs to share drinks, watch football, and maybe bring someone back to the flat. Hermione Weasley was out to meet an old friend tonight.

With young Rose and Hugo off to Hogwarts, and Ron gallivanting across the world on Auror business, Hermione often found herself lonely during the school year. She didn't have many friends outside of work, and most of them were boring married couples. Just like her and Ron. She wasn't happy with that thought. Thinking of her life with her husband as "boring" was sad and terrible. Still, meeting old friends would be nice.

For a thirty-nine year old woman with two kids, Hermione was still in pretty good physical shape. She worked out regularly, keeping her body toned and slim. It was rough work, and she didn't know how long she could keep it up, but boy, it must have been working. She could practically feel the eyes following her as she walked down the sidewalk, past the small throngs of young men outside for a smoke. It was nice to still feel attractive. _To feel wanted_.

Blushing slightly, Hermione continued on, reaching the pub. It was a Muggle pub, about mid-level in terms of classiness. Not too seedy, but still not so posh as to lose the authentic community atmosphere that a proper pub provided. It was fairly crowded this evening, which was to be expected, but there were still a few open booths left. She scanned the pub's interior, letting the warm air invigorate her as she removed her stylish coat and scarf. It wasn't long before she heard a dainty but excited voice shout, "Oi, Hermione! Over here!"

Luna must have already found a booth. Hermione smiled as she rushed over to greet Luna. They hugged warmly, and discretely kissed; a small, short peck on the lips and nothing more. "Luna!" Hermione said, holding the dirty-blonde woman by the shoulders and sizing her up. "It's been far too long!"

"I know. So how have you been bird?" Luna smiled, sitting back down to her half-empty gin & tonic.

"Been better, been worse," Hermione replied, stuffing her coat and scarf into the booth before sitting down across from Luna. "Work's got me all knackered out. We've been going through a new reorganization period at Magical Law Enforcement. The new Minister is a total tosser, and I'm quite sure he doesn't have a bloody clue about anything beyond the damn Code of Ministerial Conduct. He's a party hack..." Hermione let out a long sigh, before quickly apologizing, "I'm sorry love, I shouldn't have just unloaded all of that on you just like that."

"'Sno problem," Luna smiled, before sipping on her gin & tonic. "The waiter should be 'round soon, I told him to keep a look out for you."

"Excellent. So, how are the kids?"

"Oh, my little pride 'n joys are off to Hogwarts and doing fine this year. Been a bit hard letting 'em go off on their own, but it's been sort of a blessing. Work's been taking me 'oop North' a lot, sometimes for over a week at a time. At least if they're off at Hogwarts, they're properly looked after."

True to Luna's word, the waiter was around quick as a flash. Luna ordered fish and chips, indulging in the fried and battered delight. Hermione, a bit more weight conscious, ordered a veggie burger and salad, along with a pint of cider. After the handsome young waiter left, Luna said, with slight surprise to match the permanently surprised look of her face, "I didn't think you were a vegetarian, Hermione."

"Oh, I'm not Luna. Just watching out for my weight." Hermione laughed, and Luna joined her.

They ate fairly quickly, though ultimately neither of them finished their meals. While they ate, they talked about their kids, and what was going on at work, and then the new books they were reading. One subject never came up though. The spouses.

After they gave up on eating, and finished their drinks (both had a second round), and the bill settled, Luna casually put her hand on Hermione's. "You been lonely, love?" she asked, casually stroking the soft, slightly tanned skin of Hermione's hand.

"Yeah, I have. Ron's been gone, and my kids are off in their own little world. Yeah, it's been a bit lonely. But it's so good to see you," Hermione smiled at Luna, "So... you wanna get out of here now?"

Luna smiled back, "Yeah, I've already made the reservations." She took Hermione by the hand, and led her towards the pub's exit. She stopped after a few steps, pulling Hermione close to hug her. Luna hugged the brown bushy-haired woman close, feeling the warmth of her body and inhaling the lovely scent of her perfume. The two ladies kissed affectionately, and then left the pub.

* * *

Earlier at the very same pub, and unbeknownst to Luna and Hermione, Neville Longbottom had also been joining a friend for a drink. They sat at a small table, and were both already at their third round of drinks.

Neville's companion was about six years his senior, though he didn't look it. He had bright blond hair, which was in a permanent state of slight unkemptness, and sharp, chiseled features. He had about two days worth of stubble growth tonight. He sipped on a pint-sized mug of black-as-sin stout ale, and listened to Neville unload his troubles on him.

"Well, Neville, perhaps you should stop beating 'round the bush and just come out with it. You're obviously guilty about something, so just tell me and we'll talk about it," the man said, his Liverpool accent like sandpaper on the ears.

"Well, I've been having an affair, John," Neville finally stated.

John coughed, nearly spitting out a mouthful of ale. Gobsmacked, he finally managed, "Well that was a bit surprising..."

"'Ey, you asked..." Neville said, clearly peeved.

John said, "Well, 'sjust I didn't figure you being the unfaithful type, Neville. I mean, you and Hannah are like the picture perfect husband and wife...I take it, from how guilty you're acting 'bout it, you haven't been nicked yet?"

"You're upset with me, aren't you."

"Upset with you?" John sighed in frustration, "Bollocks, of course I'm upset with you. Hannah's my friend too. I may not have known her as long as I've know you, but you shouldn't be doing that to her mate, she's your wife. Christ, I know I'm not the man to go for marital advice, but damn, don't end up like that Neville. Don't end up like me."

"A forty-five year old, foul-mouthed, chain-smoking bachelor?"

"'Strewth." John continued, after finishing off the last swallow of his pint, "Neville, I'm going to be straight with you. You've got yourself into a bloody 'orrible mess with this, and you're the only one who can get you out of it."

There was a long silence. And John was getting uncomfortable in it. He fidgeted with his trenchcoat, which was the colour of old newspapers. Finally, Neville spoke up, breaking the silence. "I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated, mate."

John sighed. "Go on..."

"Well, it's just, I think I'm in love with Pansy too."

John frowned. He was back in bloody England, dealing with bloody London's bloody smog and bloody rain, and now bloody this too. "I take that back mate," he grunted, "You're not in a bloody mess, you're straight fucked."

"I know John, I know." Neville glanced at his watch, "But thanks for meeting me here, and listening to my bloody mess of problems. But I got I gotta go. A fiver should cover my share of the drinks. You still bloody owe me for last time,"

"Oy, it wasn't my fault I was skint! I'd been mugged earlier that week!"

Neville left a fiver on the table, and took off in a hurry. John decided to stay and order another beer for good measure. When the waitress brought the fresh, frosty pint glass, John took a long draw from the draught beer. Something caught the corner of his eye.

He turned to look, and saw an average height woman, about forty, with waist-length dirty-blonde hair snogging a slightly taller brunnette. Not too out of place for a Friday night, and he enjoyed the view at any rate.

Then he recognized one of them. "Oh bloody hell, that's Ron's wife, innit?" he said to himself. He covertly looked for a charm, or the magical residue of Potion, just to be sure. But sure enough, there was nothing in the way of his sight. This was Hermione snogging some woman, and leaving with her hand-in-hand.

He sank back into his chair, taking one last gulp of his ale. "Well that's the dog's bollocks, innit," he said to himself, "...one friend's bloody cheating on his wife, and another friend and coworker is getting cuckolded. Christ, I need a fag."

He paid his bar tab, and walked outside the pub, pulling out a white and violet package of Silk Cut cigarettes as he went. He lit up in the cold autumn air, and drew a deep breathful of the acrid smoke into his lungs.

**

* * *

AN: **I hope you're not too offended by adultery to keep on reading, because there will be more of it coming along. But for now, this is just a teaser chapter. Reviews are appreciated.


End file.
